Sweet Sweet Sevilla (January 19th)

I'm back! I left Nice, France at 10 am yesterday and, 22 hours later, I stepped off the train in Sevilla. It took a total of 4 trains (though one doesn't really count because it just went from one train station in Barcelona to another) but I made it! Though I must admit that exhaustion doesn't fully convey how tired I feel right now. Hecho polvo would be better. Estoy hecho polvo. Its one of the first expressions I learned in Spain that people use only in the most 'tired' of circumstances. It was nice coming back, though my host family had changed my room and left all of my things kind of strewn across the bed and floor, but I think I'll be ok. As long as I can find enough space to sleep, I'll deal with all of that later. Im also going to start getting some pictures up her to beautify this blog a bit. Not yet, but soon. I kind of feel like I should write a little conclusion to my one month long European, train travel adventure - pay it the respect that it deserves...

I guess that you could say I left Sevilla one month ago hoping to come back with something new. Not a thing, but an idea. Not necessarily 'answers', per say, but something that would help me view the world in a new light. It was an adventure, to say the least. Full of its ups and its downs. The joy of meeting new people from all over the world interlaced with the solitude, and sometimes the pain, of being alone. The frustration of not being able to find a hostel complimented by the euphoria, the sense of accomplishment, when I actually would find it. The irritation of having to do it all alone, of having to figure it all out by myself, but the satisfaction that I was able to do it. I had to prove it to myself - that I could be fine, that I could make it through any type of situation, any number of obstacles - and I did.

This month forced me to open myself up to anybody from anywhere. It taught me how to make great friends in the span of 3 or 4 days. It taught me people skills, travel skills, perseverance skills. How to cope with mistakes and then how to learn from them. How to be more aware, more alert, of everything going on around me. How to feel comfortable and at ease in foreign situations. There were times when I doubted myself, asked myself if I made the right decision to stay in Europe and travel over the holidays alone. Now I know for certain, beyond a doubt, that I did make the right choice. At the very least I could have gone to Prague, Amsterdam and Germany with two of my friends from the program, but then I would only have been on my own for one week. Instead I chose to take the road less traveled. It reminds me of this little magnet my mom once gave me, I don't remember the exact words, but its something like this: Two paths in a forest and I, I take the one less traveled by. Via that less traveled path I have grown, I have come into my own. Become more of a man. More confident, more self-assured. More proud, but more humble. I have learned to embrace what is new, to live in the moment, but at the same time remember and cherish what is old. I will never have these exact experiences again, but I will hold onto them forever.

I wanted to come away with something new, and I have. New friends, new stories, new pictures, new views. Life can be broken down into two extreme conditions - living in complete solitude and living in the constant presence of other people. I think that in order to be happy, I must always do two things: 1) maintain a strong connection with nature and 2) find a balance between those two extremes of solitude and company. In solitude, within ourselves, is where we find answers and in company is where we give those answers meaning - where we give those answers life. I have learned to love and enjoy my time with others, but also to treasure those moments in which I only have my own thoughts to keep me company. This month can be defined in the people that I have met, and what I had to go through, alone, in order to meet those people. I've learned to not let myself hold onto regrets or, better said, to not let past decisions that I would later regret weigh me down. (I don't mean this in terms of conscious decisions that go against my values - that would be worth regretting - but common, everyday choices that, looking back on it, I would do differently). Zurmatt is the perfect example. I went there with one goal - to see the Matterhorn. I spent 60 euros getting there, 50 euros staying there for one night (the most expensive hostel I stayed in - and far from the best), plus money for food. And the entire time the Matterhorn was engulfed in a thick layer of clouds, from its base to its peak. I even got up at 6:30 am to hike up there to try to see more to no avail. Moral of the story, I could have let this weigh me down. I could have let it cut into my enjoyment of the proceeding days; but instead I decided to accept it and learn from it - for example, if I ever go again, I will be sure to check the weather reports first.

I've learned to not let little things get to me. A lost jacket here, a forgotten notebook there. Dirty sheets, messy bathrooms, uncomfortable beds. People like this guy that was sitting next to me on an 8 hour train ride - he had his music, hard core heavy metal, blasting and was breathing obnoxiously loud out of his nose the entire time. I've learned that the best way to cope with misfortune, at least the kind that I was prone to experiencing, is through laughter. It keeps you light of heart and mind and thinking positively. I've learned to take advantage of every opportunity - something that I think I knew beforehand but I had never really put into practice as I did on this trip - like going to the Fifa Headquarters in Zürich, though it was way out of the way, then proceeding to ask for a job and kiss the world cup trophy. At the same time, however, I've learned to not get upset when I couldn't or just simply didn't do something that I wanted to do, such as visit the so proclaimed "must-see's" of every city. I've had more opportunities to practice my patience (though I still don't think that I can fully say that I have 'learned' patience yet haha) whether it be waiting for trains to arrive for full nights in random train stations or waiting on people.

I've learned that an unanticipated bump in the road or last minute change in plans can lead to some of my favorite memories, like when you mess up a line in a painting you can work with it to create something more unique and more beautiful than you could ever imagine. I've learned that it isn't the city or the place that allows me to have a good or bad time, but it is me. It is the attitude that I have, the expression on my face, that ultimately decides whether or not I will enjoy myself. For every down there is an up, or as my cousin Connor once told me, for every rain there is a rainbow. But for every one frown there can be a hundred smiles. For every one cry a thousand laughs. Its all about attitude. Give everything you have to life and life will give everything it has to you. Accept other people into your life and they'll accept you into theirs. Be happy and happiness will find you. Live a life with no regrets and then you will live a life not worth regretting.